From time to time, we all tend to quibble about aspects of our lives that are not where we would like them to be. However, and without a doubt, we know that there are people who are considerably worse off than us, and so we have several reasons to not only be grateful for what we have, but also to be grateful for the challenges and disappointments we are experiencing: because again, they could be much worse.

To that end, we know it is important to be grateful for the things we have: good health; family; friends; a decent job; etc. However, in the throes of a difficult experience, particularly one that will irrevocably change your life, such as illness or death in particular, the last thing we might be thinking is, “I am grateful for this.”

Depending on the experience, and if we are in the early stages, we might still be feeling overwhelmed, sad, confused, disappointed, angry, or possibly a combination of them and more. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, gratitude, or to be grateful, is “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness”. In other words, when we are grateful, there is an opening of the heart that results in thankfulness and appreciation. But that may not be possible if we are feeling overwhelmed, sad, confused, disappointed or angry.

 

Why Gratitude Matters

When dealing with a challenging situation that will permanently change your life, it is almost inevitable that your more negative feelings and emotions – anger, sadness, confusion, etc. – will first emerge. Clearly, you are still in the process of wrapping your head around the matter. But as you begin to process the various aspects of the situation, you will hopefully return, at the very least, to a more balanced and content version of yourself.

However, getting back to your happy place is not automatically guaranteed – especially if the situation is unlikely to improve or disappear. With no obvious light at the end of the tunnel, your negative feelings and emotions can be a slippery slope, and if you’re not careful, it is easy to find yourself in a hole that is difficult to escape.

Paradoxically, this is where gratitude comes in, as it can be an important means of improving your physical and mental health. According to Psychology Today, “Studies show that practicing gratitude curbs the use of words expressing negative emotions and shifts inner attention away from such negative emotions as resentment and envy, minimizing the possibility of ruminating, which is a hallmark of depression”.

In experiencing negative emotions, what is not often appreciated is the fact that they can be stressful on the body especially if prolonged. And as we discussed, in The Many Faces (And Hidden Truths) Of Stress, stress can be a contributor to the onset of a broad range of illnesses and diseases. 

 

Moving From Negative Emotions To Gratitude

When you are waist-deep in a difficult experience, trying to be grateful can be tough. Although you may be able to acknowledge that the situation could be worse, being grateful for your problem most certainly will not be a permanent feeling. However, what becomes important is the consistent effort and practise to be grateful.

Having said this, it also important to process the situation you are going through. It would not be healthy to suppress your (negative) emotions and perhaps the irrevocable changes that have resulted, and try to slap gratitude on like a Band-Aid. Allowing yourself to grieve, and essentially to come to terms with the situation and the changes it has brought, is not only beneficial, but also may be necessary in order to you to move forward well.

In that regard, remembering to be grateful – to still find things to be thankful for – can bookend the grieving process. So even as you move through the seven stages of grief: (i) shock and denial; (ii) pain and guilt; (iii) anger and bargaining; (iv) depression, loneliness and reflection; (v) upward turn; (vi) reconstruction; (vii) acceptance and hope, every day, remember to find things for which to be grateful. Try to acknowledge the blessings that you still have in your life.

 

Cultivating Gratitude

There are many ways to foster gratitude. Which ones will work for you will depend on your disposition. However, we share three below.

First, one of the most popular ways to cultivate gratitude is through a gratitude journal. Daily, you remind yourself of the many gifts, blessings, benefits and grace you enjoy or have experienced generally, or even in the course of the day. Through this practice, you are focussing on the positives in your life, which allows to see the bigger picture, and not just the difficulties that you are experiencing.

Another way to create a more grateful heart is by tapping into your support system. Challenging situations can be especially lonely, and it is easy to find yourself not being able to get out of your own head and feelings. Being able to be around others who can lift you up, distract you and give you a bit of a reprieve, can be a godsend, and can help you feel more grateful.

Finally, and outside of keeping a gratitude journal, try to actively pay attention to the positives in your life. Nothing is too small for which to be grateful.

 

 

Image: Gabrielle Henderson (Unsplash)