Native English speakers may be familiar with the phrase, Don’t hide your light under a bushel”, which has become a common proverb. You are likely to hear it when someone is being scolded, but paradoxically, the phrase itself is one of encouragement, as essentially it means don’t keep your good qualities and abilities secret from others.

We, women, tend to be a modest bunch. For the most part, we don’t like to draw attention to ourselves, and consequently, our skills and abilities. We are likely to do the work – be it in the workplace or our personal lives – but shy away from the limelight, from getting credit for our efforts, and so allow other to shine.

Consider Jessica, a working mother, who is married to David, and is the primary caregiver for their two young children. Although Jessica works, she is the go-to person for all kid-related matters – from getting them ready for school, ensuring homework Is done, prepping all meals, disciplining, etc. David is busy at work for long hours, and would also have travelled extensively pre-pandemic, and so is not as involved as Jessica would like in the day-to-day activities of the household. However, when at a recent event, in Jessica’s presence, David was complimented for having such neat and well-behaved children, what does he say? What does she say?

Although David may just have accepted the compliment, “as there is no ‘I’ in team”, and it may have been seen as rude if Jessica had interjected, this and similar situations happen all the time, where arguably, credit is not given where it is in fact due. Also why or how had Jessica become so invisible?

 

Living In The Fullness Of Ourselves

As much as Jessica may not have been able to correct the situation without someone potentially losing face, the challenge if it is not remedied is that she, like so many of us, die ever so little on the inside. In keeping quiet, the truth, your truth, remains hidden – under a bushel.

In this day and age, it is not just our skills and qualities that we might be concealing, but our ‘light’ could also be our true selves, or part of ourselves, that we are hiding. However, and in the spirit of authenticity, in which the goal should be to truly love yourself and accept yourself, not living in the fullness of yourself may be tantamount to hiding our light under a bushel

 

A Slippery Slope

It is important to emphasise that far too often, there are situations where we, as women:

• do not speak up when we should;
• voluntarily step back when we should be stepping forward;
• deflect when others try to acknowledge us or our efforts;
• accommodate others’ wants or desires at the expense of our own; and ultimately
• compromise ourselves.

Now, it may not always be prudent or necessary to absolutely always speak up, step forward, accept being acknowledged, etc., but hopefully that should be the exception and not the norm. It is crucial to be vigilant, because unless we are careful, not speaking up, stepping back, deflecting, etc., can become habits. It is easy to operate on autopilot, and before you know it, become a shadow of yourself.

Putting yourself first, or putting yourself on the line, may cause you to feel vulnerable, and feel subject to the views and opinions of others. So to do so, requires effort… and courage!

 

Stepping Out From Under The Bushel

In the event you have found yourself hiding your light under a bushel, acknowledgement is the first step towards recovery. However, the remedy is not a one-size-fits-all. Different manifestations of concealing (parts of) yourself may benefit from different approaches. Nevertheless, the following broad guidelines ought to be considered:

1. Understand yourself. In the first instance, and to some degree, you may have to reacquaint yourself with who you are and what you want out of your life. When you have not allowed yourself to use your voice, or to let your true self shine through, that voice can become smaller, with you accepting the views of others as your own. Figuring out who you are, what you want, who you want to be, and what you want to stand for, takes time, and is a never-ending process as we grow and evolve.
2. Know your limits. Following from the first point, it is important for you to know where your boundaries are, and consequently, what you are prepared, and not prepared, to accept. Though from the outset you may know where some of your boundaries lie, it may also be an iterative exercise, where you also learn where your limits are based on practical experience – because who you think you are and what you think you stand for may be wildly different in real-life experiences.
3. Be assertive. Once you know your limits and need to express them, confidence is necessary in order to be taken seriously. Initially, you may have to ‘fake-it-till-you-make-it, but it is through doing that you are likely to become more comfortable in expressing yourself, and in letting other see who you truly are.
4. Start small. As was stated earlier, the process of finding your voice and being comfortable using it, or in who you are and expressing yourself, does take time. However, your efforts are more likely to be rewarded if you start small, and through those successes gain more confidence, which in turn will allow you to tackle bigger and more important situations or issues.
5. Be consistent. Finally, and it almost goes without saying that consistency is key. It takes practise to build the muscles of finding and using your voice, or being comfortable showing who you truly are. Further, it is important to be consistent so that others around you appreciate and accept the changes you are making. If you are not consistent, the process can be an even more difficult uphill battle, in a situation where the stakes are high, as you seek to live more in your truth.

 

 

Image: analogicus (Pixabay)