In this the 21st century, when we have so much to keep us occupied and distracted, and friends and family are just a phone call or text message away, it can be surprising when people admit to feeling lonely. However, our sense of isolation and feeling disconnected from others seems to be on the rise, and it is becoming one of the biggest health concerns in many countries.

To a considerable degree, our sense of loneliness may have been exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic, due to the isolation and movement restrictions that we experienced for two years. It was also during that time that we all became acutely aware of the importance of our mental health, and the fact that many of us had already been living stressful lives.

Now that many of the COVID-19 restrictions have been relaxed, and we can travel and congregate almost to the same degree as we had in the past, it is easy to believe that our sense of loneliness and isolation would also have dissolved. However, this may not necessarily be the case.

 

Being Lonely versus Being Alone

Off the bat, it is important to appreciate that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Nystrom & Associates offers the following distinction between the two:

Being “alone” is a physical state where you are physically by yourself. Being “lonely” is an emotional state where you are feeling alone or disconnected from others – even when they’re right next to you.

So, when you are in the company of others, you are not alone, as physically, you are not by yourself, but you may still be lonely, in that you may not be feeling an emotional connection or attachment to those around you. Hence even when you are out and about with friends, such as at a party or club, or at a family get-together, you may still feel lonely although you are not alone.

The sense of loneliness can also be felt strongly in romantic relationships, where almost by definition, there ought to be a strong emotional connection with your partner, and so the expectation of not being lonely. However, many of us have experienced loneliness in our romantic relationships, which may have felt worse than if we had been alone. According to Martha, “Philip and I did the things that normal couples did, but it felt very routine as if we were playing a role. Over time, we had to admit that we no longer felt as connected to each other as we had in the past, though we shared the same space.”

 

Filling the Loneliness Void

Although loneliness might be an emotional response to not feeling connected to others, many of us try to fill the void by overeating, under-eating, bingeing, consuming alcohol, or recreational drugs. However, these tendencies can exacerbate those feelings, as they may affect our sleep, our physical, mental and emotional health, and may even cause us to spiral into depression. If your feelings of loneliness are lasting longer than you feel comfortable with, or are developing into depression or anxiety, do not hesitate to seek professional help.

However, critical to addressing loneliness is putting yourself in situations in which you can meet and connect with others in a potentially meaningful way, such as through volunteering or engaging in community activities or hobbies that you enjoy. Alternatively, a first step might be to get a pet, which can offer companionship and something upon which you can connect and focus your attention.

To be clear, there is no quick fix for loneliness. It starts with becoming more aware of and attuned to your body, mind and feelings, and what might be triggers for your loneliness. However, in a world that is filled with distractions and superficiality, it takes courage to open up to others, along with self-care to help to improve your physical, mental and emotional health, in order to manage the feelings of loneliness in our increasingly connected societies.

 

 

Image: Marina Shatskikh (Pexels)