Earlier this week, plus-size model and body-positive advocate, Ashley Graham, wrote an essay for Glamour magazine on how she had to relearn how to love her body after recently giving birth to twins. In the essay, Ashley not only documented that she nearly died moments after giving birth to her twin sons, but also the changes her body had undergone whilst pregnant along with her protracted recovery, seriously tested her body positivity resolve.

The impetus for Ashley’s essay was her pregnancy experience. However, many women – including those who have not experienced pregnancy and childbirth – will identify with the fact that their bodies are evolving, and they be challenged to come to terms with those changes.

 

Our Changing Appearance

In the first instance, we all have to come to terms with the fact that we are getting older, and that Father Time is ravaging both our faces and bodies. The glowing and healthy skin of  our teens and early 20s, gives way to a more sallow complexion in our 30s, and the onset of wrinkles in our 40s and beyond.

Grey hairs tend to become more prevalent as we get older. Some of us are predisposed to premature greying, and so it has become a losing battle. Further our slim bodies that hardly required much dedicated exercise to keep in shape during our teens and 20s, is giving way to us getting heavier, and with an expanding midline.

Pregnancy tends to change women’s bodies considerably. Frequently, they never return to whatever they had previously been. Some of the more obvious changes include sagging breasts, stretch marks, a flabbier stomach, and difficulty in returning to one’s pre-pregnancy weight.

In her essay, Ashley admitted that she fell into the trap of presuming or expecting that she would snap back to her pre-pregnancy form in short order. She had to make peace with the fact that her recovery would be much longer than she had estimated; but she is still coming to terms with the fact that her body will never return to what it had previously been. Some days are better than others.

 

Changes From Within

As much as our physical appearance changes over time, and more so due to age, we should not focus solely on the outer. Internally, we are also changing, and are experiencing new health conditions and situations. However, and unlike the changes in appearance we are undergoing, acceptance of our internal biological and health-related changes might be even more difficult.

Some of the challenges we can experience include illnesses, which can lead us to feel as if we are being betrayed by our bodies. This feeling can be particularly prevalent when we are experiencing a-still-to-be diagnosed illness, or an illness for which we do not yet have a handle, or the effects of the illness can be so debilitating that we feel overwhelmed and a victim of the experience.

Women who suffer from endometriosis, for example, and end up having to take days off from work or school, can find those episodes incredibly painful and traumatic. However, the trauma can be even more acute, if they do not yet have a confirmed diagnosis, and when healthcare practitioners believe they are exaggerating their pain and discomfort.

In a similar vein, women can be especially traumatised when they experience a miscarriage, especially when the pregnancy was much welcomed. A miscarriage can result in women feeling betrayed by their bodies, especially since the risk of miscarriages is rarely discussed, and women who have experienced it tend to suffer in silence.

In a different vein, we can also struggle to accept the general aging process, such as the change in our eyesight, menopause, and even the onset of certain illnesses, which tend to become more prevalent as we get older. Subliminally, many of these changes can signal that we are one step closer to death, which often is our greatest, yet unspoken, fear.

 

The Myth of Eternal Youth

It must be highlighted that one of the reasons that we can be challenged in the degree to which we love and accept our bodies is the fact that we are inundated with messaging in the media and in our culture that are constantly promoting youth and youthfulness. Teenagers and young adults are the models that are used to sell us skincare and beauty products, diet, exercise and living a healthy lifestyle.

We also have to mention social media, magazines and reality television in perpetuating that youth-focussed message, which is also seen as being glamorous and much-coveted. More importantly, it cannot be overstated that children as young as five or six, and particularly girls, are being exposed to that messaging. However, and although the media is an important source for such messaging, often, it is also being emphasised in the home and the wider society, which also shapes our opinion and perception of what constitutes beauty.

As a result, it can appear that we are not as prepared as we should be for the inevitable stages of life and for the changes that our bodies experience. Moreover, we all know individuals who have not been accepting of those changes, and it may even be a bit tragic the lengths to which they will go to not be seen as ‘getting old’.

 

Having said this, there is beauty in having the grace to accept the changes that are occurring in your body. Yes, we are all getting old. And yes, from time to time, you experience a health crisis that can irrevocably change your life, who you are, and how you perceive yourself and your body. To be fair, the journey to acceptance is a process; but self-acceptance is crucial to our overall and long-term happiness.

 

 

Image:  ANTONI SHKRABA  (Pexels)